Last evening we were to have some company. My sister-in-law and her husband and his three daughters were coming over for dinner since we had not seen them in a few weeks. The weather has been getting warmer and we were looking forward to putting the fire pit on the back patio to use. So, my husband walks in the door from work and asks me what I'm wearing. It really wasn't phrased or maybe I should say his "tone" didn't make it sounded like he actually was asking because he liked it. He made a comment like perhaps it was too risque to wear around the kids. Now, any of you who know me know that that's laughable. I mean, have your EVER known me to wear anything risque? So, because I don't take criticism particularly well (never have) I just stomped off to the bedroom to change my top. He followed me in there and tried to hug me and said "Honey, you know I love you, right?" and then "But you really need to lose some weight." and "We would both be so much happier." It was all I could do to not just bust out in tears right there. But I was more mad than sad at the moment so I just pushed him away. It was humiliating. I know he's right in a way, but his delivery just left a lot to be desired.
For the past three years I've managed to put on about ten pounds a year and I was already at a weight that I never really wanted to go over. I feel like I'm just about past the point of no return. I'm feeling very hopeless and sad.
I'm sorry you're feeling sad. There is never a "point of no return." There are many sensible and healthy approaches to weight loss out there. Personally I found regular exercise and Weight Watchers to be the most sane and gave me the best results.
I hope you're feeling happier soon.
Posted by: Jessica | April 16, 2008 at 12:45 PM
I hate to exercise. It busts my chops. I don't like the weight I'm at, but I don't like being forced to exercise to get rid of it either. And anyone that's losing weight and telling you that "you can do it too" just pisses me off more. I can't help it. This culture is way too obsessed with weight.
Try to make healthy eating habits a part of your lifestyle and love yourself for the weight and shape you are. Don't let anyone (unless they are a fully certified M.D.) tell you that you are fat.
Go shopping. No really, go shopping, park on the far end of the mall, walk all the way to the opposite end and then start browsing your way back. It doesn't feel like exercise, but you're still moving. Just avoid the pretzel place and the cookie shop and you're good to go. :)
Oh, and watch "How To Look Good Naked" with Carson Kressley. Makes me feel empowered every time.
Posted by: Kelli | April 16, 2008 at 01:10 PM
I don't know you, and I don't know your husband, but man, that would have really made me mad, too. That was a bad thing to say, and *particularly* right before you were having people over. I'm sorry. I'm sure he just didn't think. But knowing myself, if my husband said that to me, it wouldn't motivate me, it would probably do the opposite. Perverse, but, yeah.
Posted by: Willa | April 16, 2008 at 01:33 PM
Oh my gosh. Stuff like that is ROTTEN. Rotten to say to your wife. And I was just getting over the urge to dislike your husband (after the last time he was making you unhappy). I'm so sorry. Men are just insensitive creeps ya know. "A dog on two legs" as my husband says. Sorry. ((Hugs))
Posted by: Laura | April 16, 2008 at 02:51 PM
Oh god, Kyra. That was possibly the most insensitive thing he could ever say. Men don't stay spring chickens, either! And they are crap at being tactful.
That being said, I could use a walking/workout buddy. I go to the 24-Hour Fitness right between our houses, and it's not too expensive (I'm on the four day a week plan). If you feel like you want to take a stroll or anything, let me know! (And do it because YOU want to, not because anyone else tells you to, no matter how much he loves you.)
Posted by: kristin | April 16, 2008 at 03:43 PM
Oh man, that was harsh...aren't all men supposed to take "What Not To Say To Your Wife" before saying "I do"? Men...if we didn't love 'em so much, we'd have killed them all by now.
I'm right there with you...six years of Depo Provera is fifty pounds heavier for me, and I genuinely just look in the mirror and hate what I've done to myself.
*BIG HUGS* to you!!!
Posted by: Amby | April 16, 2008 at 04:55 PM
"We would both be so much happier." My reply would have been: And we both would be happier if you weren't an ass!
Posted by: Spyder | April 16, 2008 at 06:10 PM
How dare he say those words to you! At least in that manner, right before guests are coming over. BAH! Men!
Kevin and I both were about 30 lbs heavier than we are today a few years ago. We decided to have a weight off. The Biggest Loser in our house, if you will. It was easy to do with a friend. He threw it out there that we should compete. I am glad he did.
It still irks me that Chip said it. Is his weight ideal? If not, you need to say the same exact words to him.
Posted by: shannon in oregon | April 17, 2008 at 10:22 AM
That was insensitive and hurtful and I am sorry that it happened to you. I hope you can find a way to get over the sadness. The same thing happened to me years ago and I still remember the pain (that man has long been gone from my life). I was overweight for about ten years and then had to lose weight for health reasons. I am happier now because I have more energy and can do things I couldn't do before, but losing weight is something people have to decide for themselves if and when they are ready.
I hope your husband's comment was originated by concern for your health and that he meant it differently from how it came out.
Hugs!
Posted by: Francesca | April 17, 2008 at 08:45 PM
Wow, tactful delivery is not on your husband's list of skills.
I'm sorry he said that to you in that manner, it was uncalled for.
If you are interested, I'm in the KC-ish area and just starting Weight Watchers. Could go through diet angst together.
Posted by: Christy | April 19, 2008 at 12:01 AM